I used to complain a lot for not having enough sleep. Or that time when I started wearing huge mommy dresses and hate it because nothing else fits anymore. I bid adieu to my skinny jeans. I felt heavy and incapable and because whenever I look at the mirror there was a whale looking right back at me. Oh well, what your mother used to say were all probably true, this too shall pass. The bad days are going to get better. Everything will be back to normal. The next thing you know you will be craving to experience everything all over again. But I can’t help but cringe whenever I catch myself looking back at those nighmare-ish moments after the husband and I were released from the hospital with a baby. At first we were beaming with excitement and disbelief that we succeeded in creating a human being. And they let us take him home with us , so cute and cuddly. “How can this be so hard? This little angel is harmless and peaceful”. Well, that thought only lasted for about two nights tops and a new realization started howling at us trying to convince us that we are not ready to take care of a baby. It was World War III for us first-time parents.
And then he learned to crawl, and walk and say “Mama ” or “Tato ” with his eyes twinkling with pride and love and innocence. As a full-time mom, I realized that a new day has come when he turned one. Everything gets lighter and easier to accomplish. I watched him day in and day out grasping every move he makes, understanding the stages of development and the actions I need to take. And then suddenly it dawned on me that my child is growing independently in a lightning speed in motherhood years. What I thought would be a dreadful wait and a boring ride of feeding, putting him to bed, chasing him to potty had actually lasted in a blink of an eye. Babies grow up so fast that one day you wake up they can look after themselves already. They know what to wear and what toys to bring to a playdate. You leave them with a couple of kids and they no longer ask for you. They don’t want to say goodbye to their friends and go home with you. What used to be a tirade of” I want to take a break” between the husband is now replaced by our overwhelming happiness of seeing his abilities to show love, care and obedience. I am blessed to have witnessed everything he went through to reach this age.
Nobody warned me that this would hurt a little. Seeing the little one needing mommy a little less every day. I never imagine I would receive this kind of love, so powerful and so profound that my heart overflows. Truly If I would go back in time, I would not change a thing. I wouldn’t have it any other way. God knows when you’re ready. And if He lets me I would be more than willing and honoured to take that roller coaster ride again.