Loving Difficult People

I struggle with that every single day.

At work.

On the way to work.

At home.

Inside myself.

In my thoughts.

It’s weighing me down. ‘Makes me wonder if I am a true Christian after all, because it’s becoming too much to handle.

Why loving others is only easy when it benefits us. When they are a nuisance I wish I have a super power to just make it so effortless and God will give me a thumbs up. But it’s not. And at the same time we really have a super power: The Holy Spirit.

I woke up one day defeated again like the last few days and decided to scroll down desiringgod.org again for help. And this post helped me battle the fight to love the difficult people in my life.

It’s a struggle still.

But right now, I am reminded of Who God is. And that I am not expected to do it on my own. I have the help of the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit in every moment when loving others don’t come easy.

Big Deal

Press Ignore Delete

This has been my mindset these past few weeks.

I came from Tanzania without sleeping for 2 days straight. I was so caught up with Johnny Depp’s trial plus some circadian rhythm issues because of work schedules and some things that has been eating me up inside for a while.

I was so exhausted. I can’t sleep.

Inner peace was a great struggle and seeking God was always something that I do but I was ignoring His voice. I was in deep pain inside. And he is telling me to just let go.

So I cried myself to sleep. I cried my heart out many times before but the bleeding inside won’t stop.

I plead to God to save me. Bring me back the light. Come Holy Spirit. I don’t mean to grieve you.

Then I spoke with my dad.

His advice just came at the right time and hit the right spot. As if God put the exact words into his mouth.

Press Ignore, Delete.

Is it helping you if you continue obsessing about it?

Is it going to change? Are you capable of changing the situation?

If the answers to these questions are No, then press Ignore, Delete.

You cannot change people. You can only change how you respond to them.

If you cannot change the situation, instead of fighting against it make the most out if it. God is more interested with building your character than making you feel comfortable.

There are so many things to be grateful for.

Some people don’t appreciate what they have and all they do is complain, wait for things or other people to do things for them. They don’t grow. They stay forever in the ditch they dig for themselves. Let them. Even trying to help get out from that ditch you ended up being the bad guy. So let them. Pray for them. Live your life with joy and gladness. Some things you can do, some things you can just leave them to prayer.

So I am okay now.

I press Ignore Delete, when things disappoint me and it’s beyond my control. I focus on counting my blessings and thanking God everyday.

These big and small inconveniences won’t rob me of my peace.

God is good.

Select Entitlement

I cringe on the thought of how I used to be.

Before Christ, before really giving my life to Him I cringe on the thought of my old self.

Like any teenagers that time I had my fair share of my rebellion days. I was not particularly bad. I did not do drugs or shoplift or let alone got pregnant at 16. Actually I was very good in my studies, always aiming to be on top of my class.

I graduated Magna Cum Laude. I was a scholar.

Deep inside me life is just a competition. Life is a race I want to win. I only lived for the applause and adoration of my parents.

Pride. I was drowning in it. No one is good enough for me. So I worked and hard and ignore any friendship that can blossom if it doesn’t benefit me. I was selfish. I was insensitive to the needs of others. I was cold.

It was just me, myself and I. You don’t matter.

Those were the good days. I was naïve and sheltered by the worries of the world. My family is not well-off but we were not begging for anything. Both of my parents were working that time. Being the only girl in the family I can get away with anything. I was pampered growing up. But I have big dreams and ambitions. No one can stop me.

Just because my parents gave me everything, I had this feeling that the world owes me. I feel entitled. I expect people to please me. I will not budge to do anything for anyone. If I am uncomfortable it was you’re responsibility to fix it.

Then troubles came. And life got sour.

During that time, my dad lost his job. He got sick. Mom was the only one working. We were three kids going to college all at the same time. Life was difficult. I tasted how life is not a bed of roses. And I really needed to grow up fast.

But God is good. Even when life was tough He was pursuing me even harder.

When my mom died 11 years ago, that was the lowest point in my life. Until now the cut is deep and painful but I learned how to live with it.

I feel sad when I see kids and even adults who walks and talks like the world owes them. They only complain but never lift a finger. They suck the life out of people who, even though are suffering has a positive attitude to go on with life.

I see them everyday.

I pray that they will get out of that sense of entitlement and grow up, because life is going to disappoint you time and time again.

But if you believe in God. And your hope is anchored in Him, His grace is sufficient. You will be lowly. You will be humbled. You will wake up and realize that this life is not about you.

This life is finding that Purpose why God has made you. And giving back the glory to Him in everything that we do.

Find the Gold

Too many flaws to be perfect.

Too many blessings to be Ungrateful.

It’s Not Meant For You to Carry

Sometimes only when we reached the breaking point that we realized the load we are carrying aren’t meant for us alone.

There are trials, confusion, hurt and disappointments that feels like we are up to no good anymore.

Then lights comes.

His voice echoes. So sweet. Loud but comforting.

I had that breaking point.

I thought, “that’s it, I’m DONE.”

Then in that hour of darkness and hopelessness something clicked.

This load is it not meant to be carried. He can carry this load for me.

He said, his grace is sufficient for me.

And that made all the difference.

You Aren’t Born to Just Look Pretty

You changed outfit three times already. You walked and you spin like everything is going to change still. The mirror is just a mirror, it’s not a filter of some kind.

You spent the whole day anxious about what to wear and what look you’re aiming for. You starve yourself to the brink of death every single day so that you will fit in those skimpy outfits you think are so fashionable these days. And yet your bones ache like you’re a grandma with a hundred grandkids but truth be told you hardly experience much of life as you live in your super-sheltered life, free from any life’s woes. I feel sad for you every time I look at you.

I was once pressured to look in a certain way. But not because I want praise and adulation. Only later on, I realized health is more important than fitting in those clothes and surprising people I weigh like a ten year old. When you stop menstruating because you eat like a bird, please stop. Maybe one day you will want to have kids. And to be a mother requires nourishment not size Zero.

Don’t obsess about your nails and your hair. That guy who asked you to change them every week is not worth the pain. He’s got a string of ladies he’s obsessing over every month. He’s on Tinder when you don’t meet. And when you’re not around he is there in the salon waxing every single hair in his body. Boy, this guy must be a candidate for Mr. Universe. But trust me, he is just another hollow shell.

We dread the count of our eggs when visit the OB. We pray and we dream of one day they will indeed find the fountain of youth. But our smiles should be what they’re aspiring to get from us not because we are someone they can parade and show off to his team mates.

Women aren’t just born to look pretty. We are more than our looks. We are mothers and wives too. If we’re single by choice or by chance we can offer so much more than what you see. Stop obsessing us that we are an inch close to looking like Kendall or Kylie with plastic surgery.

Put down the phone. Those girls in Instagram aren’t real. Your friend is anorexic. The other one is drowning in credit card debt.

You are more than your looks, girl. Invest on what’s inside. What is unseen lasts forever. God knows your heart. If everything inside is beautiful, count me on this: you look beautiful every day even without the makeup , even when you shop in Plus Size. You are Beautiful and you don’t need the men’s opinion on that.

Only Decaf

After last month’s suffering with the severe case of tonsillitis I promised myself to take care of my health even more.

Sleep for me is precious than gold. When we were young we will stay out late like the grown-ups because we think it’s cool. Like being a night owl is a super power. I remember my parents putting us to bed at 8:30 pm every single night on school days and 10 pm tops on weekends. So no wonder for me, I frantically doze off naturally by 930 during my younger years. My eye shuts by default by that hour. Unfortunately with my line of work these many years there is no such thing as a sleeping pattern.

Night is never night and day time is just a concept.

It’s been almost 3 months now that I ditched caffeine in my morning routine. When I do hard night flights I take my Latte. But other than that NO. I skipped my cocktail cravings on days off. Alcohol always ruin everything. Unless you don’t have plans to look pretty for a couple of days. No way , highway to eye bags!

As I get older, I realized this is the best gift I can give to myself: Sleep.

No amount of La Mer or Chanel concealer can hide the evidence of not having a proper rest.

I love being active. I love being in a good mood.

So, don’t mess my sleep. Only Decaf please.

Have a great day ahead!

It’s May Already!

We finished the first quarter of the year already, in no time we are half way there again.

Time flies so fast. I wish to hold my little son longer in my arms with his little hands and feet. As long as he still wants to cuddle with me every night I would pursue it. Oh how fast kids grow!

What’s cooking for you this month?

Any big plans ahead?

Eid is almost here. Flights definitely are full. DWC flights are back. That means if you’re living close to the usual airports in Dubai, the DWC airport is basically on the opposite end. Thank God I got one only and hopefully I can swap it. Imagine getting ready for flight at 12 midnight to report for a flight at 4am? Zombie mode all way way through. The travelling time to get to work is actually longer that the flight itself.

But at least, I get to spend some time in Europe this month. The weather is getting hotter and hotter. Fuel everywhere is expensive. I just want to get out where it’s a little colder.

Waiting for salary increase. Hopefully, by God’s grace.

How are you ?

I hope you are well.