I just came back from flight this morning. I had been awake for more than 24 hours. The last time I ate was 15 hours ago. I survived on 2 liters of water and 3 cups of coffee. The cabin was full. The service was nonstop. We had a few almost medical cases on-board and one almost restraining case towards a passenger/s. They had too much to drink while still in the terminal. They insulted one of our colleagues and stirring up trouble during that very slow five-hour flight from Kiev. It was not actually a very boring flight I was just tired and a little bit deep in my thoughts.
I can say that the flight that I just had been one of those which I can consider not that bad neither not that good. The flight crew were amazing. Everyone were fantastic. There’s just one that keeps rubbing something nasty into my face every time she feels like it. I tried to be a good sport, telling myself her comments should not bother me. I know myself better. I know my WORTH is in Christ. But when her type multiplies to about to five or ten little side comments from the strangers who you happen to be serving, to be honest it kinda got into my skin. They made me feel self-conscious. I am polite and all-smiles at work. Even when someone is being rude I try my best to keep my cool even up to the point when they started poking you I still try to be in my best behavior. And these people are my husband’s people. In not so distant future, perhaps 10 or 15 years down the line we might be transporting ourselves permanently in that land. And I felt the hostility big time from this flight.
I know, I am not blond and super tall and curvy with fair skin who can speak their language. I am ASIAN. I am proud of where I came from. I am happy with the way I look. But when strangers look at me staring and scrutinizing me up and down I started to feel like half the life in me is being taken away. Especially when they compare me with my husband. We are ketchup and mustard. I am the loud one, he’s the silent-mysterious type. He’s very attractive. I am aware that I am not the prettiest girl in the crowd. I have no problem with that only when the lies of the Enemy tries to overshadow the truth I found in Christ.
Growing up, I joined Pageants and Model Castings. During my early days in the Hotel Biz I got to rub elbows with celebrities and multi-millionaires and gorgeous British businessmen. I’ve heard all those indecent business proposals. And I am grateful for my parents that I never strayed the path and I was not blinded by those bling and kept myself pure. When I used to fly first Class in my previous super fancy airline three years back the temptations were always there. Gifts and comments overflowed. I was still in my late 20s that time. I feel confident and unstoppable.
Then I reached the 3-0. I got married, gave birth to a beautiful precious little boy whom we prayed for and motherhood started playing a big chunk in my life. Forget about those days when I can at least have 2 days off just for myself. To think, to recharge, to relax or to pamper. Most of the time I cook, prepare everything for everybody and of course now, prepare myself for flights. And this year, it dawned on me really hard that I need to really make an effort to take care of myself. Not just because I started to feel insecure now that I am no longer that young, it’s all because that I want to live a healthy vibrant life. I want to live long for my purpose.
But being self-conscious continues to haunt me down. Gone are the days when you can stop traffic. lol. Or guys asking for your phone number in the supermarket or in bookstores. Instead they call you” Madam”.
It makes me feel sad honestly. It worries me a little. Everyone will get old and wrinkled and fat, including me no matter how much I exercise and eat right and sleep on all those pricey anti-aging creams. Look at Cindy Crawford and Kate Moss those supermodels posted in my teenage walls. Their daughters are now the reflections of how they used to be. I bet they feel the same melancholy .
After taking a nap after my flight, as I reached down slowly to check on my son playing in the living room God just whispered these words to me
BOOM! Like a candle flickering, He restored my confidence back.
Everyone will get old eventually. Even those who said I don’t deserve to be where I am because I am not pretty enough to their standards. Even those who discriminated me just because of the color of my skin or where I came from. Even those who body-shamed me right into my face for being too skinny to their standards. No one can escape.
So instead of sulking all day thinking and pestering myself about the future discrimination I may get to experience as I get old, and the pain of putting my glory days behind, I will just keep on reminding myself what is precious in God’s eyes. All these we have here is temporary, I am banking on the ETERNAL, the one that lasts forever. That investment is much more secure. I will embrace what God has given me and be expectant of the wonderful life ahead of me.
If you’re feeling a little Unpretty today, Cheer up! Remember 1 PETER 3:3
listening to TLC…