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Wifehood

 

When the day is done, after the toys have been put back in place and the child is fast asleep in his bed  I get an enormous sigh of relief. Another day gone well.

There were times when it’s easy to finish the tasks laid out for me. Sometimes motherhood chores is like eating a pint of Rocky Road ice cream. You  get some nuts or marshmallows, sometimes both. Sometimes not everything is  soft and chewy. There were times you need to chew in order to enjoy the flavor. But in the end it’s still a treat.

Then being a wife comes in. When the hubby is waiting in the sofa for some quality time after a long day’s work, even when you’re tired and all you really wanted to do is just sit and relax there are still things that needs taking care of. Sometimes it’s easy to find strength to still give and give even when you feel like you need some receiving for yourself. And there were times when it’s not. It’s easy to get angry. The nagging part comes in. I must admit before I got married I had a misconception of marriage. Like some, I thought marriage will solve all my life’s problems. He will  give me this, give me that, do everything to make me happy, serve me, understand me. Then five years later I realized that in order to have a great marriage I have to set some realistic expectations for myself. Mine is not a hollywood movie, I guess no one’s marriage is a hollywood movie. There’s ups and down. There were moments when our imperfect selves cannot be hidden behind the facade of perfectly ironed-clothes and well manicured nails.

Sometimes our love tanks are  getting low in  supply. Sometimes it’s easier to sulk in the corner and avoid eye contact.We ignore the cracks that started forming due to lack of proper communication. And once the overflow of steam came to a dangerous level then we realize a real talk is needed. You fight , you argue , you want to prove you’re right. No one is winning, everyone is hurting. Then both of you got tired. And tears started flowing like a river.  Then a few moments passed, and like a wave, peace  came down and you held his hands and he started kissing you. This happens most of the time. We fight like little children but we kiss and make-up like teenagers. Over the years, I learned that as a  woman of God I should treat my marriage in a different way. In the way that  God designed marriage and not by world’s standards. Instead of letting things fix itself, instead of expecting that my partner will act like my knight and shining armour at all times, I should also be the light that guides his path, the positive energy that brings him up even when he doesn’t deserve it. Instead of being the damsel in distress who always needs “saving”,  I should put my efforts in planting good seeds in my marriage and not expecting that it’s my man’s only responsibility is to make me happy. I am already ” whole and complete ” even before he met me. I expect him to be the leader in the household, taking care of life’s BIG decisions. As God put man in charge of this. And as his wife, the source of joy, wholeness and health in the family.Forget about expecting that he can read your mind. Say what you want to say in your sweetest tone.  Serve him gladly but when you need help don’t hesitate to ask. He is not a superhero. He is human. Make allowances for each other. Forgive. Make love. Act like getting married is the best thing that ever happened to you. And pray unceasingly.

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