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Conversations with Myself Issue #2- Motherhood and Career

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I’ve been out of work for more than two years now.  My husband and I decided than once Sasha is big enough to be left with a nanny I will start looking for a job again. I started that quest 10 months ago. Done a few interviews here and there but received no call back from the employer. I cried in silence as I rode the Metro back to our apartment. I spent a dozen sleepless nights thinking if I will ever find work again. I was left broken-hearted too many times that I started believing that maybe, this is IT. I’ve reached my shelf life and  nobody will hire me. I cried my heart out to God to tell me what to do. I felt lost and unhappy. I sometimes blame motherhood for taking over my career. I missed Paris and New York. I missed bargain-hunting in Beijing and Shanghai and spending my lazy hours walking around Sydney Harbour. How different life used to be,  living in a suitcase, only coming home to an empty apartment in Dubai to sleep in a cold bed and fly again after 12 hours. That was life back then. Fast, empty, ordinary. As I slowly step myself back to reality , with a heavy heart I inserted the key and enter the familiar space smelling like bananas and milk and with a smudged mascara all over my face I  found my little boy  waiting zealously  for me. My heart was full again. Right then and there  I hate myself for thinking what I left behind was better. ‘Because really what else could you ask for coming home to a wonderful loving husband and a boy so beautiful and so sweet that he even looks at me like I’m magic.

 

Some days  go by  faster than others.While sometimes it’s like  the earth is moving in slow motion. Spending time with my child all day inside a prison-like apartment since the weather outside will toast us both, I found peace and happiness that words can’t describe. Seeing him grow up right before my eyes, watch him sleep and make fun of me during bath time are just precious moments that money can’t buy or the kind of satisfaction a job can’t bring. As I gear myself everyday for battle,  for a new job prospect, a new business idea or a new passion to pursue I suddenly realized that there’s more to life than titles.

In this season of my life, where I am the Business Manager of our  household being  paid  only by kisses and hugs inconvertible to cash I heard God’s soft voice reminding me to “savor each moment”.  I know  that He created me for a purpose. And that He is more interested in developing my character above all else. I cannot bring money or properties or thropies in heaven, I can only bring my heart and it’s contents at the end of time.

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I thank God for this wisdom. Gone are the days of worry and fear. I am certain that if I keep on planting seeds and preparing for harvest. I will reap what I sow. And it would be bountiful. I know He’s got something for you and me. A purpose greater than ourselves. A job waiting for us that doesn’t feel like work at all. As long as God will make me a godly parent , a  virtuous wife with a solid Christian marriage I know that I am right where I should be. And the best is yet to come.

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