At one point I felt so embarrassed to God that I just wanted the ground to open up and eat me whole.
Having a religion is different with having a relationship with HIM. I was a devout Roman Catholic growing up, until something really life-changing happened a few years ago that made me changed my view towards religion. I was lost and now I am found. The old is dead and the new has come, but of course there were days when being a real Christian asks more than saying that you are. But by God’s grace He continuously forgives me and guides me in my decisions and my behavior.
When days were really good it was easy to forgive, to be patient, to be more loving. I could hear His voice whispering “good job my daughter”. And then there were those trying times, when some things don’t go your way and frustration sets in. It’s much harder to hold back anger, to control oneself from yelling, to get irritated, to have doubts and all of a sudden it’s as if God’s face is turning away from me.Then I took a quick look inside my heart and I didn’t like what I see. I asked the Holy Spirit to strengthen me. To take away the hurt and be compassionate once again. And just like that after crying out to Him I was able to go back to the new me and crush out my demons. How amazing it is to be loved by you Jesus. How I can easily love others again just because of your overflowing love for me.
There were days when blessings are everywhere that I lost track counting them. Answered prayers left and right. My heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. And then one day something happens and the next thing you know, you live up to that saying that comparison is the thief of joy. How foolish. I began to covet and worse, question. I prayed again. And prayed some more. If this particular action is causing me to sin, Help me God to remove it or stop it. Like a thunder rolling in I learn that something happened to someone dear to me who need miracles more than I do. A job, healing, financial breakthrough, a desire to have a child, marriage problems etc.
It’s easy to get jealous of others, to desire what they have and question God why your turn hasn’t arrived yet. But only if you look closely around you that you realize that you are far more blessed than others and yet you still you complain. Only by knowing other’s suffering you learn to still be thankful of your little misfortunes. Whenever that happens, I want the ground to swallow me.
Never take for granted the blessings He’s pouring into your life everyday. Be obsessively grateful for everything. We may not be living in a mansion or travel first class but as long as we learn to surrender and trust Him in His plans there is nothing to fear. Life is not about fancy cars , achievements or tons of money in the bank. The only real thing is our relationship with Him that can sustain us in this journey .