I feel like something HUGE is about to eat me up. My entire existence is holding on to dear life as I grasp for air. My head feels light yet my eyes feel heavy. It’s only 2 pm but everything looks dark from where I stand. I decided to follow the feeling that engulfs me so I went inside and cradle the white sheets. I want to take a nap but the noise outside won’t quite down.
The sadness is eating me up again in pieces , and sometimes in big waves like I am drowning in something I couldn’t even see. I am longing for something that has no name and I feel guilty for even thinking about it.
I decided to get up and splash water on my face. Looking at the girl with her eyes red and disheveled hair, this is not what I want to see. Is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? and feel the air as it brushes my skin and doubt it’s existence? Like love or faith or life itself? My brain is rocking itself to bits trying to comprehend the emotions popping up like mushrooms inside my chest and I just heard the door opened , I know I have to get up and fix myself.
What am I trying to prove? To deny oneself of its liberty to fly, to seek and to surrender. I am too tired and weak from all the wishing and the hoping. This too shall pass I said many times. The lightness and the nothingness of being caged or when your wings got clipped since they came. What do I intend to do. I wait. I must wait. It will come.
The slow movements and the sound of the melody of our voices a few years ago. Do you remember how it was when we first said “hello!”. Don’t slip away darling, the day has just begun. Why won’t you sit right next to me and feel me like it’s June and we were blowing kisses in the rain.