” True love is not what you feel every moment of every day; it’s what you commit to, and what you seek God for more than you have on your own. God’s love is great and unconditional and unfailing . God’s love keeps a marriage together when our own love fails.” — Stormie Omartian , The power of Praying wife Devotional
Our dating days were magical days. I feel like being electrocuted every time we touch. We couldn’t get enough of each other. We spent most of our days lazily in our beds under a pile of sheets binge-watching tv series ordering pizza on speed dial. He surprises me with flowers and chocolates and corny jokes and right then and there I felt like a million bucks and no amount of Manolos would tantamount to that feeling. Sweeping off my feet was underrated because the guy wouldn’t mind visiting every single day on foot under the scorching heat to be with me for an hour, watch me sleep in disheveled state on a moving train for five hours when we travelled together and call-in sick just so he can be with me in the hospital for a surgery. Or that time he watched me puke in every square foot we walked on due to food poisoning, gave me a bath later because I was too weak. I look every time with those hazel eyes with burning love that intensifies every single day. It was a no-brainer this is the guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
Fast forward four years later and our dynamics has become a game of thrones, conquering territories, strategizing moves. To be married and to stay married with a toddler who won’t sit still , the house almost at the edge of breakdown with a mountain full of toys and mess that won’t clean up by itself. Where did the time go? Twenty four hours don’t seem that very long anymore. In this modern age where almost nothing is irreplaceable and everything disposable it’s no wonder that there is a high rate of relationship taking the easy way out when things don’t seem Instagram-worthy anymore. Marriage is no-picture perfect state. Singlehood might be a misery for others but married life is a whole different level of crazy. Young couples and newly weds suddenly feel lost. I often catch myself thinking how something so beautiful and profound can suddenly become so confusing at the same time.
We expect things to work out on its own. We assume our partners can read our minds and vice versa. By default we are conditioned that marriage is the answer to all our life’s problems. No more lonely nights and we pride ourselves to have finally graduated from Spinsterhood. Not knowing that being with someone you made a vow through sickness and in health and all that jazz with God as your witness is never to be taken lightly. Once you get married, the box is actually empty.
The moment we say “I do”, is the moment where our lifelong servitude starts. Wife submitting to her husband. Husband to love his wife as his own body. Expectations soaring high and the moment of truth unfolds.
There are highs and lows. When you are a mother like me you know what I am talking about. The child has taken your place. It’s hard to identify the feelings building up inside. The highs were slices of heaven caught in between when the child is asleep and both of you are in sync. And the lows were days when the child is turning into a monster and both of you are tired. It can get into your nerves and it gets worse when the lies of the enemy starts pouring in.
There are different stages in a romantic relationship and if you’re not ready for these changes it can really get overwhelming.
After much study, self introspection and quiet time with God I realized that these changes can be a sweet ride after all. It doesn’t have to be a solo-ride. I realized that if others choose to dwell in negativity because of the sudden shake up of priorities in the house, the monotony of the routines and that in-love feeling slowly fading away I can stand up and get up and make marriage work without moving a mountain by myself. Feelings change and our partners change in a way that is not alarming but nonetheless significant to be taken in to account. It’s healthy that we are slowly waking up from the fairy tale because that cloud-nine is never meant to last forever which is good otherwise how can we possibly accomplish things if our head is up in the clouds all the time.
There were moments when it was impossible to give love. There were days when I don’t feel loving or forgiving. All the more I seek for guidance and wisdom and strength from the Higher power. The more I read His Word the stronger I become, the easier it is to respond in love when my partner and my child seems to be getting the best of me. I realized that I need to work at it, my attitude, my behaviour, myself. And my partner should do his part as well. But what if he’s not willing? That’s where the problem starts. I cannot impose things he doesn’t want to do. This union is a lifetime battle to agree and to disagree. It’s a never-ending flow of giving and giving until somehow you feel depleted which proves that you cannot do anything on your own. How imperfect we are and so powerless. But if we make God the Lord in our life, in our relationship and if we invite the Holy Spirit to dwell inside us how amazing it is that suddenly everything goes back like we are dating again. How magical God moves in our relationship. How I see him every day with brand new eyes and how I feel like my seventeen year old self all over again.
Take time to pray with your spouse. You have no idea how much power it possess. How God can work miracles in all the areas of our lives where we are clueless. Take time to put God first in every day and you will be surprised how marriage can be easy and exciting again like you just met. Know God and build an intimate relationship with Him and your love tank will never be empty.
Dating is all lovey-dovey and always putting the best foot forward, a little bit superficial and marriage is like constantly waking up on a Monday morning to go to work. You need to get dressed even when you’re sleep-deprived and haven’t eaten a thing. It’s literally loving the person next to you at his best and at his worst. It’s taking time to fulfill each other’s needs, finding ways to ignite the fire each and every time. It’s being humble in God’s presence asking him to make us superhuman so we can provide for our family and instill us the fidelity and faithfulness He wants us to have for each other.