Dating is fun and nerve-wracking. I remember the days when I got so worried about a zit and what to wear the next time I meet him. I gathered tons of books about dating and finding Mr. Right over the years. Some books helped but mostly at the end of the day it’s the rollercoaster of emotions that dictates.
Getting married is fun and nerve-wracking too. Addressing each other with a new title is really exciting in the beginning and your cheeks instantly has this pinkish glow. The first year of marriage they say is the most difficult and the adjustment period can really drive the couple nuts.
And then you found out you’re expecting. Just when you gave up trying to get knocked up since all your friends tell you it’s getting harder to get pregnant especially with the kind of job you do. But you beat the odds and voila it’s much easier than you thought. Goodness gracious. It’s a whole new level of insanity.
The little one is cute and cuddly. No matter how many times you want to hate him whenever he cries in the middle of the night just when you finally had your full hour of uninterrupted peace, you know just one smile and you’re his poor slave all over again.
And then the husband took the backseat. It’s challenging to remain a lovey dovey couple once you started having kids. The child become your auto universe. That little pumpkin took over the regime. No more date nights, let alone a full relaxing bath without being called for a quick diaper change.
So how can anyone survive marriage without killing each other or the little one?
It’s better to have a game plan. I know it’s easier said than done, and you tell yourself you cross the bridge once you get there, but quick tip, if your still pregnant–one great advice I wish I did was— date your spouse as much as you can! ‘Coz once that little cuddly monster pops out, it’s game over, or at least for the next four years.
And if you’re like me , running around chasing an 18 month old, while cooking, doing laundry, answering whatsapp messages and having a conversation with the hubby, it’s really advisable to take at least 20 minutes of “me” time everyday just to avoid eating that whole chocolate cake by yourself or perhaps jumping off the bridge once everybody is fast asleep.
I come up with a few strategies just when you feel like either of you is losing in a sea of dirty diapers and you need to feel human again.
How to Keep the Sparks Alive After Having Kids According to Me
Based on an Actual Experience
1. It’s much better having a Quickie rather not having any at all.
After giving birth, it’s just exhaustion all the way taking toll in my body. Having a baby is a full time job. It’s very important to express your love and appreciation to your spouse even when you feel like you two better just sleep. I think it’s vital to have at least two intimate moments with your hubby once a week. Once that baby is asleep, dim the lights whether it’s day or night and go about your business.
I find peace and certainty in saying my prayers out loud with my husband every single night. We are a team now working towards a common goal serving One True God. And for me, praying with him is the most intimate act a husband and wife can do together.
3. Never be stingy with compliments.
Praise him, build him up, and be his ultimate cheerleader. Even when you don’t feel like it, even when he doesn’t compliment you back. Men are hungry for appreciation, and home is where he should never run out of it. And besides you’re the reason why he’s working so hard. Compliments are inexpensive.
4. Never EVER forget to find time to make yourself Pretty.
Men are visual creatures. We married them for a reason, and they too. There’s one famous saying that goes something like this, ” Men think women will not change after marriage, while Women think Men will change after Marriage, ” Hah. After the household chores piling up it’s easy to just let go and forget to check ourselves in the mirror. You started asking yourself when was the last time you apply perfume when he’s around and wear a sexy lingerie or let alone wash your hair and not wear that shirt covered in poop. Whenever I am watching something inspirational or listening to Powerful and Successful Women one thing I always notice is how they look so put-together even when they’re already married or just at home taking care of the kids. I realized that what you feel inside will always radiate. If you take time to take care of yourself, make the effort to keep yourself beautiful you will transpire a magnetic vibe. It’s one easy quick tip to be charming. Never find an excuse that you can’t . Wake 30 minutes early before everyone gets up, so you have to care for yourself. Do yoga or pilates. Meditate. Wear nice clean clothes at home and arrange your hair in way like you’re going to the office. Besides, your home is your office and your Man is your boss. Always flirt with him when he’s around. Like when you were still dating. It works for me and I feel good about myself. Nothing comes easy if you want results.
5. Share a Common Interest.
We love watching Game of Thrones. And there’s a gazillion other series in Netflix that we enjoy binge-watching. We love reading the same kind of books, but not always. But I realized that having a common interest binds us in a way. There’s a topic we can talk endlessly that doesn’t include baby issues or paying rent.
6. Cook each other’s Favorite Meal.
When it was my birthday, he asked what I wanted to eat that day. I said “lasagna”. He doesn’t like lasagna. But he did it for me. He hated cooking lasagna. But I appreciate the effort. When it was his birthday, I asked him what he wanted. He said “tacos and Classic New York Cheesecake”. I was not craving for any of the two, but still did them anyway. At the end of the day, it really is the ‘THOUGHT’ that counts.
7. Give each other massages.
When we are binge-watching.
When someone can’t sleep.
When someone is having a bad day or not feeling well.
Or just because.
I wish I can say, have a date night at least once a week. But right now we can’t afford. The little boy is still so attached to me we can’t leave him to anyone yet. I wish for the day that we can do that.
What about you? What do you think would make the fire burning in the marriage even when you have kids already? I would like to hear from you!